My Month with the Aliens

I have not posted on this blog since February 13th, 2008. . . the day that I know only as 'yesterday'.

Let me explain:

The week of February 11, 2008 was a pleasant one. I was enjoying my nightly updates of the 'Lovesong Countdown' for Valentine's Day. It was mild, Arizona winter week. Life was good. But on the night of 13th, it happened.

I woke in my bedroom to a flood of bright soft light. From the window, I saw a strange figure slowly approaching me, its silhouette a shape the likes of which I had never seen before. I was frightened but at the same time very calm. My first reaction was to grab Karolee, dart for the kids' bedrooms, scoop them in my arms and run.

But I was paralyzed. Frozen and defenseless. In my peripheral vision, I could see Karolee sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware of my impending and terrifying adbduction. And then at once, everthing was black and silent.

And then . . .then . . .I . . .well . . .after that . . er. . . umm . . .I don't know.

I wish I had more to tell, but when I opened my eyes, I was back in my bedroom. Karolee was asleep. The house was silent. Everything looked normal. The clock radio read 3:24 am. I found I was no longer paralyzed! I leaped from the bed to check on the kids. All three were snuggled in their beds, fast asleep.

Everything was too normal. I felt strange. My joints were stiff. I knew it could not have been a dream. It was on the way back to my bedroom that I had the sudden implulse to run downstairs to get my cell phone. I didn't know why; who would I call? What did I need? What was going on?

I found my phone on the desk in the office. As its bright LCD screen came to life, casting an eerie glow on the walls of the darkened study, I noticed immediately that the date was set incorrectly. It read 'March 24, 2008'. Why would I have set the date on my phone over one month ahead?

I didn't know why, but the date was wrong . . . or was it?

Panicked, I ran back upstairs, and shook Karolee until she woke. With groggy eyes, and speaking in an irritated tone she asked, "What do you want? It's the middle of the night!! And why are you fully dressed?"


Fully dressed?! What in the . . .

I looked down and she was right! I was dressed in jeans, flip flops, t-shirt, and my old grey jacket. When I asked Karolee what day it was, she looked at me like I was nuts. But she replied anyway, as if grudgingly 'playing along' with whatever stupid game this was that I was playing.

"It's March 24th, Monday night, Jake" she said, ". . . or actually March 25th now since it's technically morning. . . 3:30 am in the @#$&@ing morning to be exact, you jerk. I have two get up in less than two hours to run. Thanks for waking me. GOOD NIGHT!"
If she was upset for waking her before, she was positively fuming when I asked her what we did together that day. She told me that I went to work, got home right before she went to her girl scout meeting, and that I watched our neighbors' kids that night too.

Whoa. Keanu-style Whoa.

I'm still trying to figure it all out. According to Karolee and the kids (and my co-workers, and our neighbors, and everyone else I know), I have been at home in Arizona, living life normally for the last month. But the last thing I remember is that alien walking toward me and the bright light and feeling paralyzed, over one month ago.

I have no explanation, but I know I was abducted by aliens that night. I have two pieces of solid evidence:

1) If I had really been home the whole time, then how does one explain the fact that I hadn't finished my Valentine's day love song countdown on this blog?! Right. You can't. Because I WASN'T here. Everyone who knows me KNOWS that I always follow through with everything I set out to do, especially if it has to do with music.

2) That night, when I discovered I was fully dressed, I found a post card in the inside pocket of that old grey jacket. I am not crazy. I just want to be normal again. Someday the world will believe that my involuntary trip to Planet ZpxF3.01-- that this kidnapping-- was all too real. Maybe someday I will remember. I don't know. I don't have the answers. All I know right now is that there is no explanation for this :





























I don't seem so crazy now, DO I???!!!